St. Patricks day is not just a simple celebration of a welsh bloke that had a way with snakes. St. Patricks day is a cunning ploy by the Irish to remind the world of their genetic superiority. The Irish gene pool has evolved over thousands of years to overcome some fantastic obstacles; Irelands geography, nutritional attributes (or lack of), constant battles with anyone and everyone. All of which have led to a survival of the fittest regime over thousands of years that has, in effect, bred a bunch of super humans. Super strength, super clever, super fit, super everything. Unfortunately with the advancement of wartime weaponry and the industrial age in general, there are few ways for these super human paddys to show off their “superness”.
Paddy’s day is like doing the Haka on a massive global scale. It is a call for every paddy to demonstrate their powers, and also to blow off some steam. Without which our over tuned engines would explode in an uncontrollable manner, resulting in something somewhere being devastated.
These Irish super humans have travelled the world and through the support of a global network of Irish pubs, have a mechanism that can help to keep their super human power under control. Paddy’s day simply formalizes the need to force the offload of steam before something blows. It’s a necessity.
Anyway, as an Irish bloke who is waiting to get on a plane from London to Syndney on Friday 16th March. I’ve just realized that due to the various time zones and the incredible length of the flights, I’m going to completely miss paddy’s day. I’m now quite concerned about the effect this will have on my genetic makeup. Each year I have followed the Irish tradition of getting absolutely hammered in an irish pub no matter what part of the world, as has been handed down from generation to generation. This has helped me to control my genetic super engine. I can only hope that getting hammered on the plane will do the trick.
If not, God help Sydney...
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Ah but Paddy boy, you've missed out the greatest Irish achievement in anyone's living memory - Ireland knocked out Pakistan in the Cricket World Cup. This proves their superness beyond all doubt, and the fact that the Irish don't have to be pissed out of their minds if they still want to rule the world. As those great Irishmen Shamus Picasso, Topsy O'jo and Livingstone O'Stanley used to say, "It takes an Irishmen to know one end of a cricket wicket from another, I 'tink"
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